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May 15, 2008
It works in reverse
A couple of days ago, the guests on Dr. Phil were a drug-using adult daughter and her concerned mother. You have to give him this, Dr. Phil does his homework. In the course of the show, it comes out that the mother often parties with the daughter, pouring her shots, and even once did lines of coke with her. The mother was obviously part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
The one time I have to think during the day is when I'm putting Mandy to bed. She's drinking her bottle, the room is quiet and dark, and my mind wanders. So I ask myself, did learning of this mother's horrible bad judgment cause me to feel any better about my own mothering? Not a bit. But why doesn't it, I next think, because it certainly works in reverse. When I see other mothers doing something better than me, I have a distinct tendency to feel worse about myself. And of course, it extends to other areas besides mothering - it's just that mothering is the most important task I've ever had to do.
In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts counters Richard Gere's compliments with the statement "the bad stuff is easier to believe." For whatever reason, these are very true words in my own life.
I have a couple hundred thoughts on this, but for your sake, I'll only discuss a few. One verse that has brought me a lot of comfort when faced with my own inadequacies is "God is mindful that we are but dust." Whew. God knows that I can't be all and do all. He knows I'm imperfect, weak, and yet He assures me that I can bring Him glory with my life and do His will.
Mandy is not the first time I've been been overwhelmed at the task of motherhood. Since my husband had custody of his two kids, I've been in a similar position before. Only that time, they were half grown by the time I came into their lives and many of the things I wanted to teach them were contrary to already firmly established habits. One night I was particularly distressed, believing I was having no positive impact on their lives at all, so I started talking to God about it & asked Him to fill in the blanks of my parenting. I told Him I couldn't do it all and needed Him to teach them the things I failed to, like He did with me. Another "whew" moment. As I reflected on the things God taught me that my mother didn't, I realized again, I don't have to do all and be all.
In Matthew, Jesus tells the parable of a land owner giving tallents to his servants to see what they would do with them. Two of the servants use their tallents wisely and have a positive return on their investment. The third simply buries his to prevent losing it and when confronted by the land owner, he whines "but I only had one." Now, I know the biblical word tallent refers to money, but I don't believe for a minute that the lesson Jesus wants us to get out of this is to invest our money wisely so we will have more. The lesson is about using the gifts God has given us and not wasting them. The three different amounts of tallents show us that God gives different gifts to different people, and the underlying lesson is that we can't be jealous of other people's gifts. Some people are good at one thing, and other people are good at another. Ignoring your own gift while you try to chase after someone else's is an exercise in futility. For example, I've been told I bring more glory to God when I lip-sync. So there's just no point in spending all those hours in choir practice when that time would be better spent at home putting a lesson together. The same is true with mothering. There are things I'm going to do very well in parenting Mandy, and there are things that, frankly, God's going to have to pick up the slack on.
| By Wifeepoo | 10:56 AM
