« My first mother's day gift | Main | No More Complaining »
May 9, 2008
Why I Never Mow Grass
After all the seriousness of the last couple of days, it's time for some comic relief, so I'm going to share with you why I never mow grass.
When my first husband left, he was kind enough to leave behind the mower; however, he was not kind enough to give any instructions and I had never used one before. I finally got up the nerve one day and pulled the thing out of the garage. Confidently, I yanked the little handle attached to the string thingy. Nothing happened. I did it again, and again, and again. At this point, I'm starting to get angry, and even a little winded, and I haven't even shortened one blade of grass. Then I notice this little button on the front of the mower and a memory came back of him pushing it, so I did. Finally the thing cranked & we were off. A couple of hours later, I was laying across my bed, wishing for death but thankful it was done. Imagine my horror to discover it needed to be done again less than a week later.
Later that summer, I made the decision to mow again. This time I was going to be even more thorough and move the upside-down garbage can in the side yard. There was a snake under there! I flung the garbage can creating the largest bruise I've ever had on my calf and screamed like a girl while I ran away. Darned if that snake didn't run into my garage. What kind of snake was it you ask? Doesn't matter. My daddy always said it doesn't matter if it's poisonous or not if you die of a heart attack. Fortunately, I had started dating my husband by then and I called him over there to get the snake out of my garage. I kept the snake in my sight the whole time I was waiting on him, from a safe distance, of course. My husband, and I will never forgive him for this, simply shooed the snake away! I wanted him dead - he had surely taken 5 years off my life. He said something about "good" snake and pest control. That day, like the previous, left me laying across my bed, wishing for death.
And my wish almost came true the 3rd time I mowed. You see, we had a stump in our back yard. I was very familiar with the stump since I had paid good money to remove the tree to which it was once attached, but somehow forgetting about it, I managed to back into it, landing on my back. Our mower has a safety feature in that you let go of the handle and the blades automatically stop turning. I'm not that smart. So I'm laying there, flat on my back, with my legs propped up over this stump with a running lawn mower on top of my legs. Inches from my feet.
I have decided, I'm simply not smart enough to mow. That was the summer my husband decided to change the oil in the lawn mower. Oh - I guess if it has oil, that does need to be changed, huh? He was horrified that I'd never done it & said it should be done every 10 hours of mowing time. Oh - we're ok then, I said.
| By Wifeepoo | 6:55 AM
