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October 1, 2008
Is this her problem...or mine?
Mandy has decided that she is a picky eater. She will eat most fruits, grains, and a couple of meats. Despite eating these, she seems to have texture issues. She doesn't want any spoonable food that is not perfectly smooth. Even sweet potatoes, as soft as they are, cannot be simply mashed, they must be pureed. The 3rd foods, with the tiny little chunks, are completely rejected. And she will not eat any vegetable in chunk form, and very few in pureed form.
And of course, her reactions to being asked to try something are very exaggerated. Much waving of arms & kicking of feet to prevent the spoon being brought closer. If I do manage to get some in the mouth, she uses her teeth to scrape off every molecule, and usually finishes cleaning off her tongue with her fingers.
This is a particularly hard issue with me as I realize I'm hyper sensitive to it. My mother was very strict on the issue of food. Every meal had to include a green vegetable and every diner had to partake. Rejection was not optional. Until the day I left the house, if brussel sprouts were served, I had to eat two. She had a lot of disdain for picky eaters and I'm afraid I have picked up some of that attitude. Her theory, our theory, is that a person should be thankful that someone prepared food for them and rejection of it is rude and ungrateful. There just wasn't room for individual tastes in her house - it didn't factor in. Did I luck up and happen to not be a picky eater, or did my mother's requirements keep me from being one? I wish I knew because now I must make the decision of how to handle this issue with Mandy.
I've searched the web & parenting boards. Some experts say not to force a kid to eat anything as it will cause negative associations with food. Others say just the opposite - if they won't eat it at one meal, end the meal and serve them the same food at the next until they are driven to eat it out of hunger. I want to choose the right method, without regard for my personal issues. I will say, I don't think it hurt me in any way to be required to eat whatever was served. I don't remember ever being angry at mom for making me and I'm really sure the reason I don't eat brussel sprouts now is simply because I've never liked them - it has nothing to do with her making me eat them.
My husband thinks all this is very funny & keeps making the remark "I can't like that." You see, his kids were - are - the pickiest eaters I've ever met. One liked most meats, breads and potatoes, but couldn't handle a single vegetable or fruit. The other liked a few vegetables, a few fruits, almost no meat, and couldn't get enough peanut butter. When my step-son was very little, before I even met him, he would respond with "I can't like that" any time a vegetable was presented. The mere mention of green beans would bring on a full toddler-style meltdown. Planning meals when they were home was just about impossible. One day, in the grocery store with my husband, I made a meal suggestion, which of course would be rejected by one of his kids as every meal was, and he told me he wanted me to fix something that everyone would eat. Angrily, I told him to have had it - the whole grocery store was before him & he could buy whatever he wanted. We went home with my original meal suggestion. But throughout my stint as a step-mom, he kept telling me not to take it personally. I never just accepted their eating habits - I kept worrying over what to fix them and kept trying to improve their eating habits. My husband wanted me to just get over it already and when I suggested the step-son in particular might have some emotional issues with food, he suggested maybe I was the one with the food issues. My response was that I was the mother figure in the family and I couldn't feed my kids - that was what I was supposed to do & I couldn't do it. I told him he would feel the same way if he couldn't provide for them financially. I think he may have been right.
| By Wifeepoo | 6:10 AM
Comments
Sorry. :( I know we made it really tough on you, but if it makes it any better, I think trying to make us eat different things was the right thing to do. I think if you hadn't, we'd be a lot worse today than we are.
Hopefully Mandy will grow out of it. It's unusual for kids to remain this picky outside of childhood.
Posted by: Meighan at October 1, 2008 1:59 PM
just keep trying different things with her. the thing is their tastebuds haven't fully developed, i mean they have fewer than adults have, and it takes longer for them to "decide" they like something. something my daughter flat out rejects one month turns into her favorite two months later!
Posted by: jill at October 1, 2008 4:02 PM
Abbie has always eaten whatever I've given her and has never once been picky...until now. Now at nearly 4 years old, she's decided that things that she has always loved she now hates. What can I say? Kids are weird? I don't like the idea of forcing it on them until they eat it out of hunger. That just seems wrong to me, especially at that age. I'm at the point now where if Abbie doesn't eat what is served to her at a particular meal (and I usually always include her in the meal choice), then she has that right, but I will not fix her something different. She just has to wait until snack time or the next meal. But she's old enough at this age to understand and make that decision on her own. Anyway, I think you're doing the right thing by continuing to offer her the different foods. I think she will grow out of it in time. Of course, that does nothing for your frustration now! Sorry about that...
Posted by: Tracy at October 1, 2008 5:11 PM
Oh my... I think I have an idea of what you mean...
Everyday is an uphill battle to find just the right meal.
Between the whining, the protests, and the constant threats of not eating, I'm constantly finding myself having to come up with new and devious ways to slip in special dishes.
And no, this isn't about Tommy... *chuckles*
*hides from Meighan*
Posted by: tobias at October 2, 2008 1:48 AM
*GASP* Slip in special dishes? Are you hiding stuff in my food? :(
I agree with Tracy, though. I wouldn't keep forcing it until she has to eat it out of hunger. That just doesn't sound right. All I can say is to keep offering it to her, whether she takes it or not, and hopefully she'll outgrow the pickiness and not turn out like me.
Posted by: Meighan at October 2, 2008 3:48 AM
Thank you, Toby - I got quite a chuckle picturing you hiding healthy things in Meighan's food!
Even if I theoretically agreed with letting hunger force her to eat the things she is rejecting - and the people I read this from made quite an argument for it - I don't have what it takes to do that. If my darling is hungry, she's going to get something to eat whether it's what I want her to eat or not.
Posted by: Lisa at October 2, 2008 6:09 AM
Speaking of slipping things in, I've actually found recipes for slipping creamed cauliflower into a child's macaroni and cheese. Now that is child abuse!! :-)
Posted by: Tracy at October 2, 2008 5:42 PM
I laugh at this only because I am older than you, and you constantly hounded me to eat something green. You are the one with the problem (again I laugh). But the reason I am laughing is at my house with two older boys (1 is 17, the other is now 20) besides myself to feed, I find they had not tried a lot of different foods as kids. Surprisely enough, I cook 4 or 5 times a week, even with my busy schedule. We sit down to the dinner table and eat a healthy dinner. Since, I started cooking more we have all three started loosing weight in a good way. We had been eating out way too much hence the weight gain. Before they moved in with me, there were lots of veggies that they had never even tried. I made them try everything I cooked. They did not have to like it, but they had to try it. Teenage boys have the same look on their face as 3 year olds, turst me, when trying new things. But they tried whatever "it" was, and most of the time like it. Our top three veggies in this order - green peas, brussel sprouts, & lima beans. I know you have that surprised look on your face with those last two, but hey they are green and brussel sprouts highly good for you. Salads with a romaine lettuce (instead of iceberg lettuce) is a little more difficult to get them to eat, but they will for me, and secretly I believe they like it. I laugh and say that all this is due in part to you being persistant in saying "you need to eat something green". So Yes! you are the one with the eating disorder, but thank God that you do because so many more of us are healthier because of it.
Posted by: John Lee at October 6, 2008 11:33 PM
