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October 20, 2008
What was I thinking
Every now & then, ok - with alarming regularity - I do something that can only be classified as colossally stupid. This weekend it was agreeing to host the Sunday school Christmas party at my house. And since we're the only class devoted to women, we usually extend an invitation to any woman in the church who doesn't belong to a class at all or doesn't belong to an adult class (the children's teachers). So, it will be a large gathering.
I came home and immediately noticed every imperfection in my house and started having a mild panic attack. The mere thought of getting my house that level of clean is intimidating enough. But there are so many deficiencies that I won't even be able to touch. One is our horrible yard. My husband actually likes to plant flowers in the yard, but I've been restraining him in recent years for the benefit of the inside. My counter tops are so old the color is worn off in places. The hood over my oven is so old that it has rust spots. There are holes in the doorway between the dining room & living room where Mike hung wooden strips to hold Mandy's Johnny Jump Up. We haven't gotten around to painting the railing, so it's chipped black with splotches of white primer. We haven't gotten around to painting the garage doors, so they are currently primer white. We have a huge patch in the wall of our kitchen that needs to be repaired - we had to cut thru that wall to install some plumbing in the bathroom.
It's frustrating to still feel embarrassed by my house after all we've done in recent years. I wonder if I'm suffering from "poor house image." Ever known someone who was fat and lost a bunch of weight, but still felt bad about their body? I wonder if that's where I am. I've been trying to plan a simple brunch with just two friends for months & I keep putting it off. I think I just feel "safer" without having to show my house to other people. And I don't know why I feel that way - new paint on the walls, a gorgeous bathroom - I defy you to find a prettier bathroom - at least with the size we had to work with - new flooring throughout the upstairs. I'm not sure why I'm letting the few small things we have left to do bother me so badly. Unless it really is the horrible state it was in before we started & I'm hanging on to that image.
Once again, I need to just get over myself already. I don't know whether it's pride or immaturity, but it's definitely something negative.
| By Wifeepoo | 6:31 AM
Comments
I have not noticed those things that you listed during any of my visits. How many can your bathroom seat? LOL It is super pretty! Maybe our brunch can be a warm up, I'm about to force you to put it on your calendar. Don't be ashamed, and set small achievable goals for yourself. And remember, no one will appreciate a freshly painted railing as much as you think it actually matters. Do those things for yourself but don't take on too much before the day. You have nothing to be ashamed of!
Posted by: Jenn at October 20, 2008 12:45 PM
